Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
