I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize