I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
