I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
