the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
