grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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