so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize