I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I looked at my own cervix.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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