She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
