either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
