My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just want to make out with him forever
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
