So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
