anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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