It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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