And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
