At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Randomize
