if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
