He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
