I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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