I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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