I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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