in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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