I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
