So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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