just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
