i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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