I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
