these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
