she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Then you guys just all showered together...?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
