He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
