"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
