Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize