i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You left your underwear on the fireplace
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
