I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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