Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize