just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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