If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
