You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
