Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize