My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize