There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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