I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
