I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize