how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
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