My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Randomize
