Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
