He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
