Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize