Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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