I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
