Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize