Define "chronic" masturbator.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
