We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
