just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
A+ Viking dick
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
