he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
bring money and cleavage
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
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