You're so nebulous sometimes
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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