Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
