I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
