I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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