I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
