Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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