so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
