I can tuck mytits in my pants
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
