take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
