It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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