i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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