there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
