i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
