I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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