i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
