Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
