Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize